Friday, April 24, 2009

Shoulder Update

I can firmly tell you that my shoulder development plan is on track after a week of whole grain bread kneading. I never knew making rye bread was so difficult and muscle-developing! I really think that the loaves of marble rye we made could be used to bludgeon someone to death, maybe I should ask my fellow student in sanitation if any of his former inmates used bread with intent to hurt or mame.

The only bright spot, the totally scrumptious whole wheat croissants we made with swiss cheese inside. I told myself that because we made the dough with partial whole wheat flour, the fiber is definitely going to negate all that butter, right? Anything so I can enjoy these flaky, buttery pieces of heaven. If this was the only thing I learned at school it would still be worth all that tuition, trust me.

Friday, April 17, 2009

The Week of Legalese

And the legal jargon keeps on coming... this time in the form of a subpoena. I have officially been served and requested to appear in court to make sure the k-fed wannabe (who pled not-guilty to trying to rip me off) stays behind bars. It seems fitting the official court date is during class, I am not missing any class for this clown! Can I show up to testify in my chef coat? Let's hope they plead it out. Stay tuned... courtroom drama possibilities on the horizon.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Chef Jailbird

I am taking an online course this semester all about safety and sanitation in the workplace, you're jealous aren't you. During this fun, fun, fun class I get the privilege of posting my thoughts and answers to various questions and conundrums that usually involve feces, bad hygiene and someone having abdominal cramps and possibly vomiting. The best part, I have to participate in class chatter by commenting on at least 2 other peoples posts. Unfortunately this means I have to read their thoughts, comments and often unusual stories. Today I read the best one yet responding to "what would you do if you found a band aid in your food". And I quote...

"I would call that a felony! I have an example from when I was locked up..."

What?! I'm pausing so you can digest, just as I had to while reading it for the first of many times.

" inmate was working the serving line, and he spit in the food of all the CO's that came in for lunch (editorial comment: I love that he automatically assumed we would know the lock-up lingo, CO being correctional officer). They charged him with 6 counts of felonious assault or something like that, anyway he got 5 years for each felony. He only had 60 days left so you can see that if someone puts something in food deliberately and the person who eats it dies that's murder."

Flabbergasted. Talk about getting a little extra education about the law and our correctional system. I love that he went from spitting in food to possibly getting sent up for murder! Astounded. All I want to do is pass this class as quickly and with as little work as possible and now I know the specifics about felonious assault and how many years you can possibly receive. What a bonus!

Mental note: do NOT comment on any of Anthony's stories, let's just stay out of that pool of thought. wow.

You must be a swimmer!

One of the most embarrassing things ever said to me. Some random "dude", and yes he was a dude, looked at me while hitting on my adorable skinny blond friend and said "man, you must be a swimmer, I mean look at your shoulders!" Now, we were in Kauai and he was a nasty SP (that's stinky person for those of you who don't know my entire short-hand language) who had lost many a brain cell while living the surf-SP life so I shouldn't have taken it to personally. but that was the quickest, most effective way to make me feel like the largest amazon in the room—and not in a good way. pretty. Let's just say that particular halter top came home from vacation and went directly in the good will bag.

This story came to mind after my last 2 weeks at class where we have been hand kneading bread, all day. My upper body is getting quite the workout and I wonder if I my swimmers shoulder's are going to make an appearance again (just in time for swim suit season, yeah!).

Now I am quite possibly the laziest person in the world when it comes to any type of physical activity. I don't like exercise. It's not fun and you usually can't eat or tan while doing it. Little did I know how satisfying kneading bread could be, and what a workout it was. From baguettes to sourdough bread to every possible type of french named loaf I will never be able to pronounce we've made it and it was fun. Who knew I would actually enjoy this type of exercise. I think it's because all that hard work makes an amazing treat for me to eat when it's all said and done. There is nothing better than fresh, warm, artisan bread straight from the oven and torn off with a little butter melting into all the chewy goodness. I can just smell it.

I have 4 more weeks to go and I can't wait to see what shoulders I'll have after all this work. lI wonder if the good will still has that halter top?